Should you take over Mom’s checkbook?
Money matters are often intensely private. And no one wants to infringe on a family member’s independence. Yet it is through (sometimes expensive) financial mishaps that you may learn of changes in your parent’s memory and thinking.
Signs of a problem
Diseases that affect memory also tend to impair arithmetic skills and reasoning. That’s why money trouble can suggest the onset of dementia. Be alert for the following changes:
- Difficulty counting change or balancing a checkbook
- Frequent late payment of bills
- Confusion about banking transactions
- Unusual or repetitive purchases
- Accusations that others are stealing from them
- Investing in sweepstakes or other “get rich quick” schemes
If you notice a problem, ask the doctor to begin screening for dementia. But don’t wait to see if the symptoms progress before taking action.
Offer to help in a way that saves face. For example, “Gosh, it looks like the utility bill is overdue. You’ve got so many other things to do. You deserve to take a break. There are some easy ways to take some of these chores off your plate.”
If your relative is agreeable to it, a number of safeguards are available. For example:
- Set up auto deposit of Social Security and other retirement income
- Arrange for overdraft protection at the bank
- Initiate auto payment of bills and/or third-party notification if a bill is not paid
- Hire a licensed and insured bill payer
- Consider a joint bank account (with online access for you)
If your relative refuses help or is fiercely secretive, you may want to
- consult with his or her doctor. A doctor’s tests or stated clinical opinion may persuade your family member to accept assistance.
- consult with a lawyer. If your relative is dangerously undermining his or her financial well-being, guardianship may be necessary.
Worried about financial mishaps?
We at Debra Levy Eldercare Associates often observe that money matters are the first inkling that there may be a serious memory problem. As the Metro DC experts in family caregiving, we know how sensitive these issues can be. Give us a call at 301-593-5285. Let’s start the conversation.